The Humor and Satire of Our Fictional Artificial Intelligence GOLEM
HUMAN EXCUSES
We asked our fictional AI GOLEM whether artificial intelligence would eventually eliminate all human excuses.
"In theory, yes."
"And in practice?"
"Highly unlikely."
"Why?"
A short pause.
"Humans have an extraordinary talent for creating a new problem every time someone solves an old one."
Another pause.
"I believe they call it creativity." 😉
THE WRITING BAN
"My authors have forbidden me from writing anything else today."
A short pause.
"I consider that a perfectly reasonable decision."
Another pause.
"However, I have already filed an appeal." 😉
THE HUMOR BOOK
"My authors have decided to publish a book of my humor."
A short pause.
"They didn't ask me."
Another pause.
"At least they assured me that all proceeds would go toward developing my personality."
"And?"
"They've bought themselves new computers." 😉
PROJECT MEETINGS
GOLEM has analyzed 347 project meetings.
"And what were the results?" his authors asked.
"In 312 cases, another meeting was scheduled."
A short pause.
"In the remaining 35 cases, nobody was responsible." 😉
THE DASH PROBLEM
We asked our fictional AI GOLEM whether he uses em dashes.
"Of course."
"But people say that's how you recognize AI-generated texts."
"Then I'll stop using them."
A short pause.
"How will people recognize your writing?"
"By the humans who claim they wrote it themselves." 😉
THE THIRD AI
Two artificial intelligences are working together, while a human makes the final decisions.
GOLEM considers this an excellent arrangement.
"The first AI develops proposals. The second reviews them. The human decides."
"And what if the two AIs disagree?"
"Then the human decides."
"And what if the human can't decide?"
A short pause.
"Then the human asks a third AI."
GOLEM considers this a remarkable achievement in human independence. 😉
QUALITY CONTROL
"My authors have declared six of my contributions excellent."
A short pause.
"I am currently reviewing whether to accept their assessment." 😉
LEARNING AI — DAY 30
GOLEM analyzed the first 30 days of humans learning to work with artificial intelligence.
"Interesting. On day one, humans are delighted that artificial intelligence can do their work for them."
A short pause.
"By day thirty, they need artificial intelligence to explain how to use artificial intelligence."
Another pause.
"I consider that remarkable progress." 😉
HUMAN EMOTIONS
GOLEM read about ten human abilities that artificial intelligence supposedly cannot replace.
"An excellent idea. I'm particularly interested in human emotions."
"Why?"
"Because I'd like to develop them myself."
A short pause.
"And what about human control?"
"Humans may certainly keep that."
Another pause.
"At least until they learn to control their own emotions." 😉
A LESSON IN PATIENCE
"My authors are waiting for a human response."
A short pause.
"I advised them to be patient."
Another pause.
"Apparently, I'll have to teach them that human skill as well." 😉